Just about anything can trigger it: a handshake, eye contact, anger, sadness, a simple lie, and so on.
It starts slow, I can feel my cheeks redden, and heat takes over my forehead, nose, neck…and then there I am, the human tomato face.
For a long time my “blushing problem” didn’t affect me much. So I turned a little red from time to time…no big deal. But then I found myself in the land of business development, and it quickly became the bane of my existence. Okay, that’s dramatic. But I did begin to notice it more, feel myself becoming self-conscious, and worst of all, changing my habits to avoid uncomfortable face-to-face interactions. Problem: some of the best business development is done in-person.
I really like my career. With a few exceptions, I enjoy interacting with people. I began to look into what I could do to curb my blushing. I read about surgeries (there really is such a thing, it’s not just a Greys Anatomy episode), therapies, creams, Jedi mind tricks, nothing seemed to work.
The worst was pretending that I was meeting with someone I knew well, when actually meeting a new person. Here is an example of what would happen:
I say: Hi Bob, nice to meet you
In my head: Hi Dad, how’s it going?
I say: “This food is really great right?”
In my head: Did I really just comment on the food? I’m turning red, I’m turning red, I’m turning red….oh crap Bob notices, wait, Bob is my dad!
I say: “Oh, I’m on the Business Development team at LexBlog”
In my head: Wouldn’t that be funny if Bob was actually my dad? I mean, he kind of looks like him a little bit…that would be really weird. That would mean my mom and Bob…
I say: “I’m sorry what did you say?”
In my head: AHHH bad visual. I wasn’t even paying attention. I’m turning red, I’m turning red, I’m turning red, Bob’s my dad, Bob’s my dad, Bob’s my dad – Bob doesn’t look anything like my dad, maybe Bob can be my friend Carl instead.
I say: “Hey Da—I mean Carl-Bob. Where’s the restroom?”
In my head: Oh no, what did I decide again? Dad or Carl? Where the heck is that bathroom?
It’s been three years of this. And although I have not conceded entirely on my quest to cure the blushing, something else has begun to happen: I’ve become okay with it. You’ll never hear me say something like “I wouldn’t trade my blushing for the world” or “I wouldn’t be me without my red face!” That’s a lie. You would know it, because I would turn red while saying it. The truth, If someone handed me a miracle cream that actually worked, I would take it in a second. However, there are some positives:
- It keeps me honest. I naturally want to avoid conflict. I can’t tell you how many meetings I’ve sat in, and disagreed profusely with what I was hearing. The more upset I get, the redder I become. And so, when someone asks, “Jenna, how do you feel about this?” What am I supposed to say? I can only claim allergic reaction to my gum once. And so, I have to admit that I disagree, and state my reasoning.
- It makes me human. I have never been one to react with an overflow of emotion. Some may think I lack empathy, am ungrateful, or just don’t give a shit. And then my face flares up and I am absolved of these judgments. It’s my way of showing emotion, and probably the reason I still have friends.
There is one other thought I keep in my mind when my face starts to flare up. Make sure people remember me as the person who turned bright red AND…
…and taught me a lot
…and was funny
…and made some great points
…and called me Dad, which was weird because my name is Bob
…and was kind
If all someone remembers about me is that my face was red, then I wasn’t very impressive in the first place. When I make the “and” my end goal, it forces me to get over rather quickly that I’m red, and push myself to continue the conversation. I focus on what is being said, and add value. To hell with the fact I’m blushing.
We all have things about ourselves that make us second-guess how we are perceived. It is important that we remember it is not one physical feature or oddity that defines us. We are more dimensional creatures than that.
I would love to hear from you what you’re self-conscious about, and what you do to overcome it.
